This article originally appeared in Sesi’s Winter 2019 issue. Subscribe here to stay up on our current editions.

In a world that tells us our skin, our hair, and our selves aren’t good enough, that “new year, new me” mantra often becomes a vehicle for unrealistic goal-setting that separates us from who we really are. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Chuck deuces to impossible standards, and invest in yourself with this guide.

By Ava Marshall

Listen to Yourself

Excitement for the new year mixed with a desire to conform can be deafening, so shutting out the noise can help. What would make you prouder or more content? “Think about what you can improve or add to your life that would benefit you and your loved ones,” suggests Dr. Scyatta Wallace, psychologist and founder of the Janisaw Company. “Don’t do it for anyone else and definitely not to impress or outdo other people … remember it’s all about you.” When you listen to the voice that’s been muted by peer pressure and comparison, you’ll find what really makes you be great.

Show Yourself Some Love

Growth is a beautiful thing, so remember to give yourself a pat on the back, a hug, or shoot, a social media shout-out for all you’ve already accomplished throughout the year. Ace the algebra test you studied your butt of for? Recognize that. No matter how big or small the achievement, it’s worthy of celebration.

Drown Out the Noise

It can be hard to rep authentically when the world is telling you to be anything except who you are. But on 100, the voice inside you is stronger than all those outside whispers. “Don’t fall for the hype around what you should be doing or how you should look,” says Dr. Wallace. “Find time to be with yourself and identify what you like about you … Take a social media vacay, so you can get a rest from seeing what everyone else is doing.” Ignore those who try to define you or change you — they can miss you with all that in the 2-1.

Take Your Time

Just because the new year comes in at the drop of a ball or the tick of a clock, doesn’t mean your self-discovery and revelations have to. “Plan to make small, tiny steps towards your goals over the course of the year,” says Dr. Wallace. “If that seems like it would be too stressful for you, let it be. One year, my New Year’s resolution was not to have any.” Growth takes time, and in order to work toward it, you can’t rush it — savor the small but monumental things you learn along the way. It’s all part of the journey.

Embrace Your Individuality

Sometimes, resolutions can make us feel in order to move forward, we must change every aspect of ourselves for some “new” version of us. But what that neglects to consider is the beauty of embracing who you are, as you are. Sit with yourself and identify what it is you want. Advocate for yourself and not some version of you that’s far from reality. When you appreciate all that you are, your #goals won’t seem so out of reach.

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